I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
