you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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