If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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