You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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