just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
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Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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