get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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