Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
