Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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