I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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