He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
