I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
