Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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