Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
