After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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