I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
