too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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