my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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