He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
