Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My breasts were aching with rage.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
