I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
