well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
