My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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