I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
