Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
