tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
