ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
