Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
