I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
