Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
