If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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