batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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