i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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