Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she looked like the before picture.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
