I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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