It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
