you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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