I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
