I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
