Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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