i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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