So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
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When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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