"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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