i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
