I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You left your underwear on the fireplace
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
