the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
