either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
