I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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