I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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