all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
