I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She needs sedatives and a leash
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
