Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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