So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
