I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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