when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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