I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone shattered a urinal.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
