you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
