just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
