What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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