someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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