We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
then he tried to convert me to islam
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
