i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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