idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
