I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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