it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
