if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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