I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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