I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
