woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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