She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
