Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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