I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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