Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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