im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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