How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
