Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
