When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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