I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize