We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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