We won't sleep together?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
