My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
