guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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