me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
