How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
