I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
