I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize