apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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