I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish I only lived at night.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
