i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
