I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
